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Jaine Austen runs afoul of the neighborhood witch while chasing her cat, who ran after a pumpkin. As always in Levine's books, Jaine Austen's parents cost her consternation and provide a huge dose of hilarity. Jaine Austen did not mean to anger her cat, Prozac when she brought home a pumpkin with her stash of Halloween candy, but Prozac is infuriated and takes off with the pumpkin in her claws. Jaine chases the cat into the garden of the neighborhood witch, Cryptessa Muldoon (real name: Eleanor Jenkins), a washed-up actress whose claim to fame was her role in I MARRIED A ZOMBIE. Unfortunately , Cryptessa's parakeet takes one look at the pumpkin and keels over and dies. Cryptessa blames Jaine for the bird's death and insists that she dig a grave for it and then plant a garden. Covered with grime, Jaine gets up from the garden to see the man of her dreams, a new neighbor, Peter Connor, who has come to invite her to a housewarming. When Jaine gets home, she finds her friend, Lance, who announces that he has met the man of his dreams, Peter Connor. Since he says that his gaydar is never wrong, he is sure that Peter is gay. So begins a tug of war between the two for the affection of Peter. Even though the housewarming is not a great success, Peter decides to throw a Halloween party. Lance and Jaine go to rent costumes, he as a sort of upscale werewolf and she as a flapper. After Lance goes to pick up the costumes, he comes back with an ape suit for Jaine, telling her (untruthfully) that the flapper costume had been rented to another. The Halloween party is disturbed by the murder of Cryptessa, impaled on her own "Do Not Trespass" sign. There are few of her neighbors who are sorry to hear the news, but, according to a witness, the murderer was wearing an ape suit, so Jaine is immediately suspected The plot takes one farcical leap after the other as Jaine digs herself into deeper and deeper holes, and tells lie after lie as she tries to prove her innocence. In time, of course, Jaine inadvertently stumbles on the solution to the murder. It comes as big a shock to her as it is to the reader. Fans of the series will not be surprised to find that Jaine is still suffering from a passion for junk food and worries about her weight. Like most of Beverly Hills, Jaine is obsessed with gaining weight, although she lives on a diet of fast food and ice cream. We never learn if Jaine is really overweight or is only thought so by her Beverly Hills friends for whom anyone over Size O is obese. Jaine's "friend" Lance plays a dubious tole in this book. I'm not sure if he is really meant to be the snake he is. In his pursuit of Peter he humiliates Jaine at every opportunity -- and usually in front of Peter and others. Why she forgives him -- as he simply plies her with ice cream -- is a mystery. He certainly doesn't deserve her friendship. Hovering in the background, as in all Levine's books, are Jaine's wacky parents. Her shopaholic mother has insisted that she and her husband move to Tampa so that she can be closer to the Home Shopping Network. Her father comes up with one weird scheme after another. This time, he plans to win the Tampa Vista Halloween Lawn Decorating Contest with his likeness of Count Dracula in a coffin, complete with fangs, filling the area with the sound of "Fangs for the Memories." The cover for the book features a very cheerful Halloween motif, which should be a welcome change of pace from all the horror and fright that we are offered at this time of the year. After all, Halloween is supposed to be fun, isn't it? § Mary Elizabeth Devine taught English Literature for 35 years, is co-author of five books about customs and manners around the world and lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts.
Reviewed by Mary Elizabeth Devine, December 2009
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