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MY HEARTBEAT, Audio
by Garret Freymann-Weyr
Listening Library, January 2003
Unabridged audio pages
$25.00
ISBN: 0807211990


Buy in the UK | Buy in Canada

13-year-old Ellen has no girlfriends her own age, but that doesn't bother her in the least. She's content to hang out with Link, her 17-year-old brother, and Link's best buddy James. Ellen loves Link in a sisterly way, but she has a crush on the artistic James. James knows this, but he takes her affection lightly because his real interest lies with Link. The two young men are inseparable. They stay clear of their peers at school, especially peers of the female persuasion. Ellen doesn't find this behavior unusual until she enters high school. There she learns that most of the students think Link and James are gay.

Curious as to the truth of the matter, Ellen asks the boys if what she's heard is true. Link becomes angry with Ellen and stalks off. James, on the other hand, admits to sleeping with men since the age of fifteen, but says it's only because no girl has asked him for sex. Neither boy seems completely sure of himself, but of the two, Link appears more disturbed by his possible homosexuality. He sets out to prove he's heterosexual by cutting himself off from James and dating a girl from school.

With Link out of the picture, Ellen spends more time alone with James. She steals her father's personal stationary so James can forge a note excusing her from in-school lunches. Day after day they meet at various restaurants where they discuss Link's behavior and ways to ease the tension between the two boys. Ellen later takes up drawing, going to James for advice and encouragement. She also buys books on homosexuality in an attempt to educate herself.

Ellen describes herself as "totally madly in love" with James. She wants to have sex with him, and at the age of 14, she does. The encounter is not as exciting as she imagined it would be, but she prides herself on being James' first female bed partner. The story ends shortly after this encounter. After purposely failing his college entrance exams, Link agrees to see a psychologist. He's then accepted into Yale while James announces he's off to Germany to study art. Ellen fantasizes about a day in the future when the three of them will meet again. She believes they all will have had multiple sexual encounters by then. Still, she says, James will always be her first love.

Other reviewers have called this novel "sophisticated", "thoughtful", and "beautiful", and have recommended it as a Young Adult book for ages 12 and up. This reviewer respectfully disagrees with both the descriptions and the recommended audience level. It's true that the family dynamics portrayed in this book are compelling. In a family where conflict is resolved by simply ignoring any discussion of it, Link's wealthy and highly successful parents must learn that silence won't ease their fears concerning their son's sexuality. But their fears are misplaced, says the author. Speaking through Ellen, Freymann-Weyr tells readers that homosexuality is "not a big deal. There's AIDS to worry about, or getting attacked by a redneck, but that's about it." Actually, that's not "about it". Anyone who's seen the end-of-life suffering of AIDS patients will tell young people -- and the author -- that this is not a disease to be taken lightly. The pain of AIDS touches not only the person who's contracted the disease, but also those who love that person. The author doesn't allow Link's father to voice that thought. Not does she allow him to say what every parent knows: life is hard enough for straight people without adding the societal burdens attached to homosexuality. And like it or not, there are societal burdens. As any gay person will tell you, bigotry abounds; the homosexual lifestyle is not an easy one.

The parents in this book show little real wisdom. Instead, the author makes 17-year-old James the authority on life, with Ellen his willing disciple. While the rest of the world worries about teenage pregnancies and the rising rate of AIDS and venereal disease, Freymann-Weyr seems to see no problem in her 14-year-old character engaging in sex. Instead, she describes Ellen's eagerness to bed James in a romantically wistful manner obviously meant to enthrall impressionable female readers. The strange thing is, none of the young people in this book sound like young people. Hardly ever is a contraction used in conversation. Rather than say, "I'm going out" or "You're coming home", Freymann-Weyr's characters say "I am going out" and "You are coming home". Perhaps this speech pattern is meant to show the intellectual abilities of Ellen, Link, and James, but to one who's been around teenagers for many years, the dialogue comes off as pretentious and unreal.

I personally wouldn't recommend this book for pre-teens or teens. The characters are not representative of most teenagers today, and the message of "young love = sex" is not one most parents would endorse.

Reviewed by Mary V. Welk, March 2003

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Contact: Yvonne Klein (ymk@reviewingtheevidence.com)


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